My journey with self love has been rough. I started my self love journey about three years ago. Before I started, I was in a bad mental and physical shape. I barely had time to take care of myself because I kept myself busy with things I thought mattered. At that time, it was unhealthy for me to be involved with everything besides myself. I would give and be there for everyone but myself. I believed if I tried to do more things and if I was more involved with my community things would be better.
I was wrong. I became worse than I have ever been. I began to let go of everything. I let go of the things that had made me that way. I had to start anew. In that moment, I realized that I had never tried to love myself. I was always trying to love other people but it never worked out. How could I love others when I could not love myself? That thought stayed with me and I soon decided in 2017 I would love myself.
Now I love myself but I still continue to struggle with accepting myself. I struggle to accept some of my failures and my embarrassments. It is hard for me to accept them because I am still ashamed of myself. I feel ashamed of myself every-time I am in public or sometimes around my family.
I am not afraid but I am ashamed of who I am. I have made so many mistakes and caused embarrassment for myself. I feel bad because I did not handle somethings as well as I could have. In every aspect of my life, I know I am not the best at it. I may never be the best at anything and it is something that I have accepted.
I see many younger women succeed in other areas that I could not at their age. I am so happy that they are succeeding but I am upset because I was not. It is upsetting because I wish I could have the maturity that I have now as an older young adult. The only thing I can do is to continue to accept and love myself. I must learn from my mistakes and better myself for the future.